180 Degree Turnaround

I'm still here. I'm not quite sure why I dropped off the radar after my surgery. I thought I'd have so much to say, want to document everything I experienced. Nope! For some reason, my journey has felt incredibly personal, very introspective. I really haven't felt like I wanted to blog about anything. But today, for whatever reason, I do. :)

So, to get me back into the swing of things, a List Of Things I've Experienced:

1. BY THE NUMBERS -- my weight this morning: 180.8 lbs! That's down 49 lbs. from my top weight of 229 when I started with my bariatric program, and 39 lbs. since the date of my surgery (Sept. 14). In a few more pounds, I will go from obese to just overweight. :)

2. People are starting to make eye contact with me again. Give me a friendly smile. Guys hold doors for me. Offer me their seats in a crowded room. My husband thinks I'm just noticing it more now, or they are picking up on my newfound confidence, but...I'm pretty sure none of that happened very much when I was at my top weight.

3. I went bra shopping, and actually found one that mostly fits!

4. I tried on clothes in the regular size section, and some of them fit!

5. I feel like I can move so much easier.

6. I'm kind of surprised that the weight has come off this fast and this easily. I'm nine or ten weeks out and have lost about 2/3 of the weight I need to lose. I remember my first meeting with the surgeon, when he told me that with the VSG, I could expect to lose about 35 to 40 lbs. Less than 3 months in, I'm past that!

7. I'm pretty much worried all the time that I will stretch out my stomach. I have eaten more than I should a couple of times. It was SO uncomfortable those times, which is good since I don't ever want to get in the habit of letting that happen. I wonder at what point I can stop worrying about that -- if ever?

8. First Thanksgiving after bariatric surgery went pretty well. To be honest, I kind of did miss stuffing myself with good food, but given the choice between being chock-full of good food and all the above things (plus, you know, the whole 'being healthier' thing), I'll take all the above. :) And hopefully at some point, I won't miss big meals anymore. :) I was able to eat a couple of ounces of turkey with cranberry sauce and a bite or two of a couple of sides. I even had three bites of pumpkin pie later on, so I didn't feel deprived at all. I've always thought holidays were more about family than food, anyway, and I think that helps me come to terms with eating less holiday food. We'll see how Christmas goes in a few weeks!

9. Oh! And just about the only thing I've found that I absolutely do not like/can't eat are most powdered protein shakes. They are just so sickeningly sweet! For whatever reason, I can still drink the EAS AdvantEDGE shakes. Dairy products in general sometimes make my stomach gurgle and complain, but so far I can still eat them.

So anyway, that's me. Hope you're all doing well. :)

I'm bummed!

So, I physically feel pretty crummy -- my knee's still a little sore, my lower back is KILLING me (seriously, I'm walking like I'm 90 years old) and I'm still ravenous ALL OF THE TIME. I finally got in a very gentle 30 minutes on my beloved recumbent bike today, but I have to go very slow and easy because of my body falling to pieces around me. And, you know what ravenous + much less exercise means, right? Ugh.

I'm anxious for my first appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday, but also kind of dreading it because I've gained four pounds since I hit my 5 percent. What's going to happen when I show up at the surgeon's office, and I'm sure they'll want to weigh me, and when they see I'm no longer at 5 percent, what happens then? Has anyone heard of this happening to anyone? Will they send me back to try to lose those four pounds back? Will my insurance deny me for it?

Ugh, y'all, I'm trying so hard, and sometimes it feels like I'll never make it to the actual surgery! And I'm feeling awfully petulant that we show up at the bariatric practice because we have trouble losing weight and keeping it off, and what's the first thing they say? "Lose weight." Does that sound like cruel and inhuman punishment to anyone else? ;)

Erk, sorry for the whine-age. I'm going to bed and find a better attitude in the morning. *hugs for all*

Gimme my exercise!

I've made an interesting discovery in the past three days -- since my knee flaked out on me and I was told to lay off exercising for a few days. What discovery was this?

I NEED EXERCISE.

In the past three days, in addition to sitting on my butt, I've slipped back into my old ways of eating, and, unfortunately, the weight I lost is already piling back on. I've felt almost constantly hungry -- ravenous to the point of distraction! And I'm pretty sure I'm still supposed to be at 219 when I see the surgeon a week from Tuesday.

So, my plan is this:

1. Back on two-protein shakes, one small meal per day. Limit snacks to fruit or sugar-free popsicle.
2. Get back on the recumbent bike -- but take it slower, and listen to my body. I'm hopeful that wearing the brace will limit irritation to the bursa.
3. Get out of the house and away from electronic distractions.

All right, body, we can do this. One foot in front of the other. :)

219...is a magic number

(Points to anyone who gets the reference in the title!)

So, after a week of bouncing around from 223 to 225 (despite me eating two protein shakes and one small meal for the past six weeks AND exercising hard for nine of the past ten days!), my official weigh-in at the bariatric practice was 222.2. Which, I have to admit, was disappointing, because I must get to 219 before my file can be sent to my insurance for approval and before I can get an appointment to see the surgeon.

I stepped onto the scale fully expecting to see 222 or 223. My morning weight is not usually my lowest of the day, because I tend to retain water overnight, especially if I've had salt the day before. After I take my meds, the excess water is flushed out of my system, and then I get my lowest weight for the day.

All of that is to explain why I was so excited to see the number 219.8 on my scale this morning! FINALLY! I know I need to lose a couple of more pounds to allow for clothes, etc. when I weigh in, but at least at this moment, I am there! Woohoo!

My fat apparently loves me.

For almost five weeks now, I've been on the two-protein-shakes-and-one-reasonable-meal diet that my bariatric m.d. suggested. I lost five or six pounds right off the bat. But now my weight isn't budging!

Yesterday, I had the two protein drinks, 1/4 cup of fat free cottage cheese, one container of greek yogurt and a peach during the day. For supper, we had grilled chicken (I ate two legs), one small piece (4 inches) of corn on the cob, and steamed broccoli. After supper, I had a chunk of watermelon and a suger-free popsicle. (I just remembered that I also had a tablespoon of peanut butter in the afternoon.)

I've exercised for five of the past seven days. Good, hard exercise that had me sweating profusely and out of breath. Thirty to 45 minutes at a time.

So why is my scale refusing to budge? I was briefly at 221.8 a few days ago, but since then it's bounced around from 223.8 to 225. I don't understand it!

I had hoped to be at 219 (my required five percent loss) by the time I go to my last nutrition class Thursday afternoon, but it doesn't look like that will happen. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Maybe I need to go to three protein drinks per day just to get these last few pounds off.

Also, while I'm whining: I have a task to do at work that I despise, and I am procrastinating like whoa. ;)

I CAN get there from here.

Well, it's been harder to get back in the habit of blogging than I anticipated, but I'm still on my way. The only questions are, where are we going, and how do we get there?

I had my second visit with the bariatric doctor yesterday. Sadly, I appear to be the only person on the planet who can eat much less food, exercise more than twice as much as I had been, and still gain weight. *facepalm* And since I'm supposed to be losing about 14 lbs. before surgery, I'm now on a two-protein-shakes-a-day, one-small-meal-a-day plan that my doctor suggested. So far, it's been fine, and I've not had much hunger. And I went for a walk on my lunch break today, and while it did seem that I was going to keel over a few times, I kept going, and went quite a bit farther than I have been. Hopefully I can keep this up and see a decrease in my weight next time.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to evict the Cheetos. Poor Cheetos; it's not them -- it's me. I simply cannot resist their cheesy, salty, crunchy goodness. So they're going to have to go. *sniffle* Goodbye, my Cheetos!

I think I'm a bit closer to making a decision between RNY surgery and lap-band. My doctor said RNY patients tend to do a lot better, lose a lot more weight, and keep it off better. I'm concerned about having to take two weeks off work to recover -- at this point, I simply don't have that much leave accumulated. I used it all when I had pneumonia in January. And the fact that I'm running around to various appointments that are required for the bariatric program is making it harder to accumulate leave. But! If it's the right way to go, it's all going to work itself out just fine in the end. Meanwhile, I'm planning to go to the bariatric program's support meetings next month; my doctor said they should be helpful in making my decision.

One last note: I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to post separately about something, but it just would've turned into negativity, and I don't want to give into that. I really am an upbeat, positive person, so I surely don't want to turn into the Debbie Downer type. Suffice it to say that I met with the nutritionist at the bariatric program, and have another meeting with him next month.

Oh, and I almost forgot -- I go Monday for the psych evaluation. Hopefully, they don't think I'm crazycakes or anything. ;)