The journey so far...

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Monday, July 25, 2011


So, I watched a few seconds minutes of a laparoscopic roux-en-y surgery. Um. Owwie?

I'm not typically squeamish, but wow, watching that was a bad idea. I wish I could just get it over with already and not spend so much time obsessing over thinking about it.

Maybe it'll help to list some of the reasons (besides health, which is, of course, the main reason I want the surgery. In no particular order:

* I'd like to be able to fit into a bra. Seriously. Have you ever tried looking for a 42A bra? It doesn't exist -- well, it may exist, but the cups are waaaaay larger than what an A cup should be. I kinda got the short end of the stick in the boobular area. I started developing early -- I was the first girl in 3rd grade who had to wear a bra -- and stopped developing shortly afterward. And not to make mountains out of molehills (see what I did there?), but I didn't get the extra boobage you're supposed to get when you breastfeed, either. So, I got fat, but I didn't get the gazongas to go along with it. Which leads me to...

*I'd like to fit into clothing. If you wear plus-size clothes, you may have noticed that the shirts, in general, play up the boobs. I'm sure I'd like it, if I actually had any boobs to play up. Instead, when I put on plus-size tops, I look like a little kid playing with her mama's clothes. So, I mostly wear shell tops in warm weather (I currently have five that I rotate over and over and over again) and twinsets in cold weather. Nothing else fits.

*I'd like to not feel crowded in our shower stall. I'm forever bumping my elbows, or brushing the cold shower walls with my butt-ticular area. And I end up having to step sideways out of the stall to get through the door without bumping jiggly bits.

*I'd like to not feel tired all the time, or out of breath when I walk a block from my car to the office. That's actually getting better since I started working out on my recumbent bike! I want to feel well enough to pursue my goal of becoming a nurse.

*I want to like people looking at me again. Now, I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, so I guess I assume everyone else feels the same way.

*I'd like to feel like a normal person. That's not too much to ask, is it?

In less heavy (geddit???) news, I ordered some Nectar protein drinks on the suggestion of someone in my bariatric practice's support group. Who knew chocolate shakes were going to get old?

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